My Other Babies

I miss my nephews so much. I once dreamed we spent a whole day together. Playing and goofing around. If I didn't have a family yet it would probably be possible.  I took care of them when they were babies. I'd love for it all to happen again. It was pure joy. In my heart, I still call them my babies. Even if they only recognize one auntie. Even if it's announced time and time again who their favorite tita is.  Oo, bittter ako. Inggit ako. Masama ba? Mahal ko sila e. Kebs mo.

Fingers crossed, I'll get to spend more time with them when they come home to the Philippines for school. Tingnan natin. Sana payagan ako.

Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't.

I'd give away everything I had if it meant having a close relationship with my brothers and sisters-in-law; for my nephews and niece to know who I am and that I love them so much as if they were my own children. I'd settle with a simple and humble life just so I could have back how things were before.  I am not one to ask for things. More often than  not, they are given to me.  Though I know I am lucky, I'd do away with it all to have what we used to have. 

The last time I saw my brother, he only said one word to me. "Why?" It was about  a cousin or a neighbor I think. Most painful New Year ever. It was awkward, quiet, and forced. Nothing real about it. And I don't even know what I did wrong at the time.  * very very long sigh *